Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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