End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
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There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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