Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
