i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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