My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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