Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
