i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize