I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I fill condoms, not promises.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
