No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
