he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
