i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
