omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm too high and old for this...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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