dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
