just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
