Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
