I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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