dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
