yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
