You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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