the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
