Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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