then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
