So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
