OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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