You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
