someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
