Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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