I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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