The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
