I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
