First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
