she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
