Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
