i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
