My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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