If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
