Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We had sex on a dog bed..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
