3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
