well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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