Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
