Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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