So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
