this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
