Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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