Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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