Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
