If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
