i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
