I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
