i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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