making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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