the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
