Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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