Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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