I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
