I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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