dude i'm inner monologue high
You smell like stripper and shame
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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