if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
