he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
