I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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