If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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