a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
