you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
