And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
