I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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