Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
