Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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