The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
