i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
