Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
